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Colin

1088 words by James Anderson about Jim Richards from London. 4 photographs of Jim by Benjamin Alexander Huseby.  
  1. Colin Hay is 38 years young, hails from Canada, and currently lives in London's Vauxhall district - with a friend named Marcos, who looks like an immaculate Brazilian version of Cary Grant.
  2. Colin is very handsome and everyone always agrees that he has amazing green eyes.
  3. Colin has lived in various different places in the past, including New York, Ibiza and Barcelona.
  4. Colin currently works in Soho's Fresh & Wild food store, and has at one time or another been employed as the manager of a juice bar, as a waiter (he was a bad-tempered waiter, apparently), in a video shop, as a vegetarian chef, a painter's model, a fashion model and in an oil refinery.
  5. Colin once had hepatitis and ever since then his liver can't handle too much booze, so he quite easily pukes* in the morning after having quaffed only a few pints of beer.
  6. Colin's biggest fear is being buried alive.
  7. Colin really likes an artwork by the Chapman Brothers called Fuck Face.
  8. Colin's least favourite part of his own body is his butt, which he thinks is just a mess, and which his Italian friend Imma cruelly described as being 'laccido'!
  9. Colin was briefly signed to the famous So Dam Tuff model agency in the mid-90s, modelling for Ralph Lauren, French Connection and Tommy Hilfiger, among others, but he found it all vacuous and cringe-making - especially when a photographer told him to 'Screw your face up all funny like Keith!' meaning then-popular punk model Keith Martin.
  10. Colin is a music fiend and occasional DJ who owns 300 records and 5,000 CDs - ranging from disco, soul, funk, jazz, reggae and dub to techno, new wave, electro, house and so on - and mixes fantastic, giddy disco compilations for you if you ask him nicely.
  11. Colin's favourite song is a marvellous late-1970s disco track with troubling and heartfelt lyrics named There But for the Grace of God Go I, by Machine.
  12. Colin's worst habit is sometimes going to bed without having first brushed his teeth.
  13. Colin is a wonderful cook and one time spent all day at home preparing a five course vegetarian feast for four of us, which he then brought over on his bike and served up as if it was really no big deal.
  14. Colin stopped eating meat when he was 15 years old.
  15. Colin does not carry a bag, but just a wallet.
  16. Colin used to hang out with famous nightlife-promoter-turned-murderer Michael Alig and the Club Kids in New York many years ago and first tried Rohypnol and Ketamine while with them.
  17. Colin loves ghost stories, though he has never seen a ghost…
  18. Colin wears boxer shorts.
  19. Colin last cried when he saw a documentary about the assassination of John Lennon and remembered all the incredible things Lennon did and what a tragedy his death was.
  20. Colin's all-time favourite TV show is the original series of The Bionic Woman, starring Lindsay Wagner.
  21. Colin loves the Billy Wilder film Double Indemnity, and notes that it is similar in premise to The Postman Always Rings Twice.
  22. Colin cites former Warhol film star Joe Dallesandro as being a total dream hunk - and thinks one scene in which Pat Ast massages Joe and then says about her plump little fingers, "They're not big, but they know what to do…” is highly hilarious.
  23. Colin does Bikram yoga, which he pays for on a monthly basis so he can go as many times as he likes - usually about four times per week.
  24. Colin doesn't own a dildo.
  25. Colin's dad works as a concierge at a government building and his mum used to be a children's nurse, but now chills out and does lots of gardening at their condo.
  26. Colin was introduced to meditation and deep-breathing techniques by his dad, who was into New Age stuff long before it was popular and would place a home-made paper pyramid upon young Colin's head when he had a headache so he could 'harness the power of the pyramid' or something.
  27. Colin enjoys dancing, when the music just takes over.
  28. Colin's favourite drink is one of his own healthy creations he calls a Spin Cycle, which contains apple juice, grapefruit, celery and some drops of milk thistle.
  29. Colin once enjoyed a lovely date with notorious London performance artist Johnny Woo - they dined at a Chinese restaurant and then later went down the disco with famed club queen Jeanette.
  30. Colin sometimes asks, 'What am I, chopped liver?' if you ignore him for too long.
  31. Colin doesn't get embarrassed easily, as he thinks that's for uptight people, but he concedes even he might blush if he loudly farted in an art gallery.
  32. Colin is such a chilled-out chap that he gets snappy after just one cup of coffee.
  33. Colin used to have regular sex sessions in office blocks at night with a Colombian cleaner who had nice eyes, bad skin, but was packing it down below - sometimes there would be another cleaner obliviously hoovering in the other room, so the possibility of being discovered made it even more exciting.
  34. Colin camped in a tent in the woods for a while when living in Ibiza - due to a shortage of rent money - and soon found himself being visited by late night cruisers, such as a German with a golden tan who was actually quite hideous in hindsight.
  35. Colin uses these five words to describe himself: tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, spy.
  36. Colin is anxious to leave London soon, as there are too many people here with bad attitudes, everyone is stressed out and everything is so expensive. He has a point.
  37. Colin came out to his supportive family when he was 18 years old, just after Christmas dinner - though his mum had already guessed his proclivities, due to the well-thumbed copies of Honcho, Inches and Blueboy she'd found stashed under his mattress.
  38. Colin has been doing a college course and is training to be an English teacher.
  39. Colin usually wears black wraparound Cutler & Gross sunglasses in summer, but got himself some Ray-Ban Aviators recently.
  40. Colin has met quite a few famous people over the years, but remembers being rather awed when he once served Kate Moss (who kept her cash in a small burgundy-coloured Prada coin purse) when he worked in Yo! Sushi.
  41. Colin reckons he is a bottom, as he likes the other dude to take control, but thinks maybe he should sometimes be a top for a bit of balance.
  42. Colin has been flashed at a few times by a neighbour who jerks off his thick, chunky cock in the window - usually when it's raining, for some reason - while shouting at passers-by as though he has Tourette's syndrome.
  43. Colin's boyfriend Gio is an Italo/Canadian living in Vancouver who has amazing curly hair like a cuddly little lamb - they met when Colin went back home two summers ago, in the backroom of a porno store in Vancouver.
  44. Colin says he is 'loco' for Latinos!
  45. Colin is currently on a vile-sounding detox plan, invented in the 1950s, which involves drinking loads of salt water, or water mixed with maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and eating no food at all.
  46. Colin is moving back to Vancouver soon to be with Gio full-time, and to become an English teacher there.
  47. Colin hopes that when he's old he'll be running a small club or café in Vancouver, serving good grub, and that he'll have two cocker spaniels and still be with Gio.