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Colin
1088 words by James Anderson about Jim Richards from London. 4 photographs of Jim by Benjamin Alexander Huseby.
- Colin Hay is 38 years young, hails from Canada, and currently lives in London's Vauxhall district - with a friend named Marcos, who looks like an immaculate Brazilian version of Cary Grant.
- Colin is very handsome and everyone always agrees that he has amazing green eyes.
- Colin has lived in various different places in the past, including New York, Ibiza and Barcelona.
- Colin currently works in Soho's Fresh & Wild food store, and has at one time or another been employed as the manager of a juice bar, as a waiter (he was a bad-tempered waiter, apparently), in a video shop, as a vegetarian chef, a painter's model, a fashion model and in an oil refinery.
- Colin once had hepatitis and ever since then his liver can't handle too much booze, so he quite easily pukes* in the morning after having quaffed only a few pints of beer.
- Colin's biggest fear is being buried alive.
- Colin really likes an artwork by the Chapman Brothers called Fuck Face.
- Colin's least favourite part of his own body is his butt, which he thinks is just a mess, and which his Italian friend Imma cruelly described as being 'laccido'!
- Colin was briefly signed to the famous So Dam Tuff model agency in the mid-90s, modelling for Ralph Lauren, French Connection and Tommy Hilfiger, among others, but he found it all vacuous and cringe-making - especially when a photographer told him to 'Screw your face up all funny like Keith!' meaning then-popular punk model Keith Martin.
- Colin is a music fiend and occasional DJ who owns 300 records and 5,000 CDs - ranging from disco, soul, funk, jazz, reggae and dub to techno, new wave, electro, house and so on - and mixes fantastic, giddy disco compilations for you if you ask him nicely.
- Colin's favourite song is a marvellous late-1970s disco track with troubling and heartfelt lyrics named There But for the Grace of God Go I, by Machine.
- Colin's worst habit is sometimes going to bed without having first brushed his teeth.
- Colin is a wonderful cook and one time spent all day at home preparing a five course vegetarian feast for four of us, which he then brought over on his bike and served up as if it was really no big deal.
- Colin stopped eating meat when he was 15 years old.
- Colin does not carry a bag, but just a wallet.
- Colin used to hang out with famous nightlife-promoter-turned-murderer Michael Alig and the Club Kids in New York many years ago and first tried Rohypnol and Ketamine while with them.
- Colin loves ghost stories, though he has never seen a ghost…
- Colin wears boxer shorts.
- Colin last cried when he saw a documentary about the assassination of John Lennon and remembered all the incredible things Lennon did and what a tragedy his death was.
- Colin's all-time favourite TV show is the original series of The Bionic Woman, starring Lindsay Wagner.
- Colin loves the Billy Wilder film Double Indemnity, and notes that it is similar in premise to The Postman Always Rings Twice.
- Colin cites former Warhol film star Joe Dallesandro as being a total dream hunk - and thinks one scene in which Pat Ast massages Joe and then says about her plump little fingers, "They're not big, but they know what to do…” is highly hilarious.
- Colin does Bikram yoga, which he pays for on a monthly basis so he can go as many times as he likes - usually about four times per week.
- Colin doesn't own a dildo.
- Colin's dad works as a concierge at a government building and his mum used to be a children's nurse, but now chills out and does lots of gardening at their condo.
- Colin was introduced to meditation and deep-breathing techniques by his dad, who was into New Age stuff long before it was popular and would place a home-made paper pyramid upon young Colin's head when he had a headache so he could 'harness the power of the pyramid' or something.
- Colin enjoys dancing, when the music just takes over.
- Colin's favourite drink is one of his own healthy creations he calls a Spin Cycle, which contains apple juice, grapefruit, celery and some drops of milk thistle.
- Colin once enjoyed a lovely date with notorious London performance artist Johnny Woo - they dined at a Chinese restaurant and then later went down the disco with famed club queen Jeanette.
- Colin sometimes asks, 'What am I, chopped liver?' if you ignore him for too long.
- Colin doesn't get embarrassed easily, as he thinks that's for uptight people, but he concedes even he might blush if he loudly farted in an art gallery.
- Colin is such a chilled-out chap that he gets snappy after just one cup of coffee.
- Colin used to have regular sex sessions in office blocks at night with a Colombian cleaner who had nice eyes, bad skin, but was packing it down below - sometimes there would be another cleaner obliviously hoovering in the other room, so the possibility of being discovered made it even more exciting.
- Colin camped in a tent in the woods for a while when living in Ibiza - due to a shortage of rent money - and soon found himself being visited by late night cruisers, such as a German with a golden tan who was actually quite hideous in hindsight.
- Colin uses these five words to describe himself: tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, spy.
- Colin is anxious to leave London soon, as there are too many people here with bad attitudes, everyone is stressed out and everything is so expensive. He has a point.
- Colin came out to his supportive family when he was 18 years old, just after Christmas dinner - though his mum had already guessed his proclivities, due to the well-thumbed copies of Honcho, Inches and Blueboy she'd found stashed under his mattress.
- Colin has been doing a college course and is training to be an English teacher.
- Colin usually wears black wraparound Cutler & Gross sunglasses in summer, but got himself some Ray-Ban Aviators recently.
- Colin has met quite a few famous people over the years, but remembers being rather awed when he once served Kate Moss (who kept her cash in a small burgundy-coloured Prada coin purse) when he worked in Yo! Sushi.
- Colin reckons he is a bottom, as he likes the other dude to take control, but thinks maybe he should sometimes be a top for a bit of balance.
- Colin has been flashed at a few times by a neighbour who jerks off his thick, chunky cock in the window - usually when it's raining, for some reason - while shouting at passers-by as though he has Tourette's syndrome.
- Colin's boyfriend Gio is an Italo/Canadian living in Vancouver who has amazing curly hair like a cuddly little lamb - they met when Colin went back home two summers ago, in the backroom of a porno store in Vancouver.
- Colin says he is 'loco' for Latinos!
- Colin is currently on a vile-sounding detox plan, invented in the 1950s, which involves drinking loads of salt water, or water mixed with maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and eating no food at all.
- Colin is moving back to Vancouver soon to be with Gio full-time, and to become an English teacher there.
- Colin hopes that when he's old he'll be running a small club or café in Vancouver, serving good grub, and that he'll have two cocker spaniels and still be with Gio.